


Naruto: Konoha Kinoko Samba

by Pokejedservo



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Mild Ship-Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokejedservo/pseuds/Pokejedservo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is a little Naruto comedic fic that I have written years ago back when I watched the original show back when it was on the original Toonami.  All 4 of the Konoha Gennin have discovered a strange specimen of fungi and gave some of these mushrooms over to their respective Jounin sensei with some rather strange results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naruto: Konoha Kinoko Samba

The Konoha Kinoko Samba

(One morning at the Konoha Leaf Village where many of the Gennin were out training in various sorts of ways. Things seem to be going perfectly normal for them at first until...)

Naruto: Alright! Mushrooms! I wonder if they can go great with my ramen...

Sakura: Naruto don't be stupid, those Mushrooms could be poisonous!

Sasuke: This is strange I don't recall seeing mushrooms there at all. This could be a trap...

Sakura: Your absolutely right Sasuke but whom would dare deceive us with mushrooms?

(She then turns around and finds Naruto grabbing them)

Sakura: NARUTO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Naruto: Picking up the Mushrooms, what else?

Sakura: You moron! Didn't you hear what Sasuke said?! He told us that they could be a trap!

Sasuke: True, I did say that however if they were really a trap like that we would know by now...

Naruto: So that means I can eat them?

Sasuke: Not necessarily, we should take these mushrooms back to Kakashi-sensei for further investigation, alright?

(They nodded in agreement, meanwhile Team 8 makes a rather similar discovery.)

Hinata: Shino, whats the matter?

Shino: My insect friends here made a rather peculiar discovery of a certain specimen of fungi.

Hinata: Mushrooms?

Kiba: So what? Mushrooms have grown here before...

Shino: Yes but I can assure you that this is no ordinary example of Mushrooms here. I must consult Kurenai-sensei about these at once.

Hinata: May we come with you?

Shino: If you wish...

(Meanwhile with Team 10 they too notice the strange mushrooms)

Chouji: Alright SNACK TIME!

Ino: Chouji! Will you stop thinking about your stomach for once? We need to train harder for our next mission. (Thinking: And to improve my chances with Sasuke.) Besides those things could be poisonous you know.

Shikamaru: Easy there Ino, if they were definitely poisonous I would've let him know about it.

Ino: Are you sure those things are safe? I mean I don't think I've ever seen any shrooms like that here.

Shikamaru: Now that you mention it they do look rather unusual.

Ino: You see, your not so sure after all now put those down before you two make me look bad again!

Chouji: BUT I'M HUNGRY!

Ino: I DON'T CARE! Huh? (She notices Shikamaru grabbing a bunch of Mushrooms and walking away) Shikamaru what are you doing?

Shikamaru: If you don't believe me I'll look for a second opinion with Asuma-Sensei alright?

Ino: *sigh* Fine fine...

(And last but not least Rock Lee, Tenten and Neji...)

Tenten: Wow...

Rock Lee: What is the matter Tenten?

Tenten: I just found these strange mushrooms on the ground here, do you have any idea about what these mushrooms are Neji?

Neji: No I do not believe so...

Tenten: And you Rock?

Rock: No I can't say I have.

Tenten: I see...

Neji: Don't you think we have more important things to do than to ponder about remotely unfamiliar mushrooms?

Rock: Now now Neji, Tenten has a valid curiosity here. After all we Ninjas should be as familiar with our whereabouts as much as possible.

Neji: Okay then what do you suggest we do?

Rock: Simple, seek the guidance of our great sensei Gai! With his brilliant mind he can inform us of what could these mysterious mushrooms be in mere moments!

Neji (dryly): I should've guessed that...

Tenten: Don't worry Neji we'll be just asking Gai-Sensei what could these mushrooms be alright?

Neji: *sigh* Very well then...

(And they all did, so their respective sensei's agreed to inspect these unidentified mushrooms. And the students returned to their training. However as those Jounin try to find out what these strange mushrooms could be time was starting to pass by kinda quickly. Then... they got rather hungry. Granted they might not seem safe but they couldn't find any signs of any sort of toxin in the mushrooms whatsoever. So... why not add that in for their lunch? Were things going to go about normally today? Thats... uncertain... A little later on as Hinata, Kiba and Shino were about to ready themselves for another lesson by their sensei Kurenai. However Kurenai's entrance is about to go a wee bit... unexpected.)

Kurenai: Wheeee!

Kiba & Shino: Huh?

Hinata: Kurenai-Sensei?

(Kurenai rapidly runs about in the room joyfully flapping her arms as if she was a fully winged bird in the skies. Kurenai is not only feeling completely joyful but also is completely oblivious to how strange she is looking right now. She tripped over something about a few times but she got back up before they try to help her up. Needless to say this trio is rather confused on why their sensei is acting like this. However Kurenai seems to be now trying to head her way out of here by running at that closed window nearby. Fortunately our little trio tries to snap out of it and is now trying to restrain her to make sure she doesn't do that. Shino and Hinata restrain her from the back while Kiba tries to block her path from the front.)

Hinata: Please Kurenai-Sensei, why are you doing this?

Kiba: Yeah Sensei you really ought to snap out of this!

(Kurenai struggles to break free however in trying to fight off her restraining pupils she tries to thrust her "wings" however she more ends up tripping and fall down on the floor. As she is on the floor she acts like she is flying like a bird while being on top of Kiba as her body is covering a good amount of his.)

Hinata: Kiba, are you okay?

Kiba (slightly muffled): Oh Yeah, don't worry about me I'm just fine...

Hinata: Shino, how come Kiba doesn't mind that Kurenai-Sensei is on top of him?

Shino: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Then he turns around for a moment then faces her again) Want to see this new firefly I found?

Hinata (with a cheerful smile as she looks at it): Ohhhh... how pretty!

(Meanwhile nearby as Asuma and Chouji are nearby one another.)

Asuma: Food...

Chouji: Asuma Sensei are you okay?

Asuma: Foooood...

Chouji (thinking): Ah man he is reminding me of my midnight snacking last night...

Asuma (voice becoming gradually creepier): Me want something tasty... something plump... something juicy...

Chouji (in a slightly nervous tone): Eh yeah... heh heh... well sorry but all I have are this potato chips...

(Asuma makes a bit of creepy laugh as Shikamaru and Ino watch)

Chouji (as he is drooling even more): No... no... me see something yummy... yes, something nice and meaty... why we... weeeee.... WE NEED GRAVY! AND PLENTY OF IT! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

(He chases down Chouji, while Shikamaru is rapidly trying to catch up to Asuma to stop him. And of course Ino is right behind in this chase trying to figure out whats going on here. And now for Naruto and crew as they search for their surprisingly missing Sensei. How did they come up with the idea that Kakashi would be missing? Simple, Kakashi didn't show up for considerably longer than 10 minutes. They eventually figured that something HAD to be going wrong here. They look about until they arrive in a rather misty place in which Naruto trips on a oddly shaped stone.)

Naruto: OW! Where did this rock come from?!

Sasuke: This is no ordinary rock, this looks like its part of a structure of some sort.

Sakura: Where do you think it came from?

Sasuke: Given the lack of any sign of aging on this rock structure here I surmise this was made recently. And it also appears that there is more of this structure nearby, we should take a closer look on this.

Naruto: What for? Its just a bunch of strange looking rocks...

Sakura: Naruto this is a mysterious rock formation, I've heard several stories about eerily mysterious rock formations before. Aren't you just a bit curious?

Naruto: Well now that YOU mention it Sakura I suppose I can follow with this...

Sasuke: And there is also the probability that this is another test from Kakashi-sensei. You know just as well as we do that Kakashi commonly likes to take "unconventional" methods in his teachings.

Naruto: Yeah I know the teachings on this school can be so gimmicky...

Sakura: And yet those "gimmicky" teachings are why your able to get through classes so much a good amount of the time.

Naruto (hanging head low, under his breath): Good point...

Sasuke: Now now you two lets just get going here.

(And as they did however a short while later they find what appears to be a throne. There seems to be a rather ominous shadowy figure upon that throne.)

Shadowy Figure: Whom dares to trespass in my palace?

Naruto: Palace? Since when is a bunch of rocks in the middle of nowhere a palace?

Sakura: Naruto shush!

Shadowy Figure: Come forth at once! Are you worthy guests or vile infidels?!

Naruto: Okay is it just me or is this guy sounding familiar?

Sakura: Naruto! Keep quiet!

Sasuke: Actually he does have a point here this man does sound familiar...

Sakura: Well now that you mention it I suppose he does...

Shadowy figure: ARE YOU COMING TO APPROACH ME OR NOT?!

Sakura and Naruto: We're Coming!

(And as they step closer to the throne, the shadowy figure stepped forward and revealed himself to be.)

All 3 of them: Kakashi-Sansei?

Kakashi: Ka what? What is this strange name you speak upon me? For I am the mighty god of gods for I am Zeus!

Naruto: Zeus? Ehhh... Whats a Zeus?

Kakashi: FOOLISH TITANS! What kind of ignorant fiends are you?! How dare you desecrate my home in Mt. Olympus like this!

Naruto: What are you talking about we are not even in a mountain!

Kakashi: Filthy Titans, you dare to play ignorant to spite me from our battles from long ago. I shall you make pay for this vile insult tenfold! HAVE AT YOU!

(He is about to strike them down with a lighting attack, which of course our intrepid trio here tries to retreat from their now truly estranged and enraged Sensei. And last but not least is Rock Lee's team's turn to face something strange, or is it?)

Rock Lee: This is rather strange, Gai Sensei is never late for giving us our daily lessons...

Neji: For once I have to agree this is rather peculiar...

Tenten: Now now I'm sure Gai-Sensei has a understandable reason why he is a little late.

Guy (offscreen): Ah HA! I think I might finally be on the trail of that nefarious little scamp...

Rock Lee: Gai-Sensei!

Guy: Ah Rock, excellent timing! I could really use your help!

Rock Lee: Really?

Guy: Yes, for it is time that we make our most glorious task of all! It is... TO FIND THE YELLOW BRICK TOAD!

(The kids see some plains that are completely devoid of any frog life whatsoever.)

Rock Lee: But where could it be Gai Sensei?

Guy: It is a mystical creature that can only be seen by the eyes of a ninja for after all the way of the Ninja is of the body and the mind.

Rock Lee: Yes, yes I see it now!

Guy: Good for let us start our noble quest, shall we?

Rock Lee: Yes!

(And as they leave the area leaving Tenten and Neji behind)

Tenten: Well... heh heh like I said, I'm sure they might have a reasonable explanation for this...

Neji: They just walked off chasing an imaginary frog didn't they?

Tenten (hanging her head low): Yes... (then getting it back up) even I can't explain whats going on here.

Neji: Well to be fair this is rather strange even for them.

Tenten: I'll go check on the mystical beast studies to see if their on to something.

Neji: I'll just go train by myself for now.

(Meanwhile at a nearby cavern Naruto tries to rush in to hopefully evade Kakashi)

Naruto: Chouji? What are you doing here?

Chouji: Hiding from my Sensei thats what!

Naruto: You too? So what are you in here for?

Chouji: He was trying to eat me alive! *Short pause* And you?

Naruto: My sensei was trying to hunt me down and shock me with lightening as he now thinks he is the God of Mount Olympus, whatever the heck that is.

Chouji: Oh is that at all?

Naruto: Yep, fraid so...

Hinata: Hello? Anyone in there?

Naruto: Oh hi Hinata...

Hinata (with her trademark slight blush): Naruto, what are you doing here?

Naruto: Oh not much, me and Chouji are just kicking back and hanging out. It turns out we have something in common after all. Namely because our sensei's have gone completely insane and are hunting us down as we speak. Why do you ask? Are you next?

Hinata: No but my sensei is acting a bit strange though, she tried to fly like a birdie. Last I saw her she was still trying but is now on the floor doing so while squishing Kiba's face with her chest. Oh I hope he is okay...

Naruto: Eh heh heh I'm sure he is just fine...

Chouji: Boy did you guys got off easy on that...

Hinata: Huh?

Naruto: Eh nevermind...

Shikamaru (offscreen): Chouji? Chouji? Where are you?

Chouji: Shikamaru? In here Shikamaru!

(A moment later)

Shikamaru: There you are I've been looking all over for you.

Chouji: Is Asuma-Sensei still after me?

Shikamaru: Fraid so, Ino tried to distract him by telling him how "yummy" she must be.

Chouji: Oh? How did that go?

Shikamaru: Sensei thought she was too skinny which naturally made her as irritable as usual and sulking back there.

Chouji: Heh you'd think a girl like her would LIKE to be called skinny.

Shikamaru: I know its such a drag...

Naruto: Say uh Shikamaru did you see Kakashi randomly electrocute everything in his path like a maniac?

Shikamaru: Now that you mention it yes I did, course I was too busy trying to save Chouji from Asuma's sudden rapid desire for cannibalism.

Naruto: I see, I hope Sakura and Sasuke are alright...

Sasuke: Don't worry we are...

Naruto: Sasuke? Sakura? How did you find us here?

Shino: I can answer that, I saw Hinata heading over this way at first but given her nature on wanting to meet up with you I decided to leave her be and met up with Kiba. However I was soon approached by Sasuke and Sakura about where you were and I informed them that I had an idea on what could your whereabouts be.

Sasuke: Yes and we overheard Shikamaru shouting out Chouji's name as he was searching for him. After all Naruto our Sensei is acting rather strange, Team 8's Sensei is being rather odd so it wasn't hard to imagine that Team 10's Sensei would be following suit.

Kiba: So in short you guys were pretty easy to find...

Sakura: Yeah we're just glad you guys are alright.

Shino: Kurenai, Asuma, Kakashi... Jounin whom are normally calm, sensible people are behaving rather odd in different ways. Their eccentricities are different yet there has got to be a connection in this.

Sasuke: Indeed however there is only one Jounin left of our Leaf Village squad that we haven't see any strange new behavior from namely Mighty Guy.

Naruto: Guy Sensei?! *shudders* Like that guy isn't a big enough weirdo on a normal day?

Sasuke: Indeed there is no telling how much of a potential risk he might be. He is quite possibly more dangerous than Kakashi and Asuma combined. We must head back and try to speak with Neji and Tenten about this.

Sakura: Oh I hope Kakashi-Sensei isn't still after us...

Sasuke: Kakashi-Sensei's movements have been getting a bit slow so he might be heading back to his "throne".

Chouji: What about Asuma? Is he still trying to eat me?

Sasuke: Hmmm... Yeah he most likely is still trying to hunt you down and eat you alive.

Chouji (while cowering behind Shikamaru): Yipe!

Shikamaru: Gee Sasuke your such a master of tact I mean I'm so glad that scaring people is so beneath you and all...

Sasuke: Easy there Shikamaru there will be more Genin behind you on making sure Asuma doesn't succeed on that.

Sakura: And don't talk to Sasuke like that after all you guys are lucky that Asuma didn't overhear you two talking to each other out loud like that. At least we found you guys while being quiet in the process!

Shikamaru (bitter toned, thinking): Touche...

Shino: Calm down everyone we must head on back to try to settle this strange problem once and for all.

Sasuke: Indeed lets go.

Naruto: Say Kiba?

Kiba: Yeah Naruto?

Naruto: Hinata told me what your sensei did to you, so I gotta ask how did that feel?

Kiba: About as nice as it sounds...

Naruto: Cool heh heh...

(As they arrived back and are now consulting with Tenten)

Sasuke: Kakashi has become violently grandiose, Asuma is now strangely cannibalistic and Kurenai is thinking she is a bird. Tenten, has your sensei been displaying any strange mannerisms lately? Well, stranger than usual?

Tenten: Actually yes, he and Rock are now on a noble quest to find "The Yellow Brick Toad".

Naruto: The Yellow Brick Toad?

Tenten: Yeah unfortunately this is as strange as it sounds especially since it appears to be completely imaginary. I know things aren't always what they seem but still...

Hinata: But where is Neji?

Tenten: He went ahead and did some training by himself it really was for the best that I just simply let him be.

Sasuke: I understand, has anyone found where our respective sensei's are?

Kiba: I did, I found Kurenai-sensei perching on top of a pole as she made a nest there.

Naruto: A nest there? Why didn't you get her to come down then?

Kiba: Are you kidding me, she'll either think I'm a predator or that I am one of her little baby chicks.

Naruto: That baby chick one doesn't sound too bad.

Kiba: Oh yeah it is I'll either have to eat regurgitated worms or get "flying lessons" by being kicked off, kinda lose-lose don't ya think?

Naruto: Oh yeah heh heh...

Sasuke: This nature lesson is nice and all but shouldn't we try to find the other Jounin sensei here?

Naruto: To be honest I'm in no hurry to find Kakashi-sensei there Sasuke. I'm not really interested in finding out what an electric "Thousand Years of Pain" feels like I'm kinda funny that way y'know.

Sasuke: I understand Naruto but we must find Kakashi in order to try to get a better understanding on why he is behaving like this.

Shino: Perhaps we should aim for Asuma instead, Shikamaru do you have any suggestions on how we can do so.

Shikamaru: Not that I can think of, I'm still trying to figure out how did this even happen in the first place.

Shino: Very true, wait a minute... I have an idea, do any of you recall anything unusual before our respective sensei's behaved strangely today?

Sasuke: For the most part no, except for some rather strange unidentifiable mushrooms.

Shikamaru: You too? Me and Chouji found some strange mushrooms earlier this morning as well.

Shino: Kiba and I have discovered some rather peculiar fungi as well...

Sasuke: Tenten, did you find any odd mushrooms with Rock and Neji earlier today?

Tenten: Now that you mention it yeah we did...

Naruto: Wait a minute are you guys saying that our sensei's are getting high on bad mushrooms?

Sasuke: That appears to be the case Naruto...

Shino: But how could that be, Kiba and I are quite familiar with the forest terrain around here, we are normally substantially familiar with the local flora and fauna in the nearby forests.

Shikamaru: Besides, even if we couldn't tell you would think that a bunch of Jounin could tell how bad the Mushrooms are.

Sasuke: Maybe they are covered with a new kind of poison that is not easily detectable by any ninja. The information on how the lifeforms on a forest is pretty much complete. But due to the dark and hidden nature of poisons it is far more likely that some force has placed in a unknown venom in those mushrooms that not even Jounin can detect until its too late.

Naruto: Okay anyone else find it kinda creepy that someone can make bad mushrooms even worse for you?

Sasuke: More like making really bad mushrooms to be good mushrooms in disguise.

Kiba: What kind of world do we live in when you can't even trust the fungus...

Naruto: I know, we live in such sad times my fellow gennin...

Kiba: Too true, sadly all too true...

(Meanwhile as Neji is training outside, two slightly unexpected visitors are nearby walking about slowly.)

Guy: Rock, CQC is not the only thing you should remember the basics of. It is of the utmost importance that you blend in with your surroundings with the best camouflage that you can use. Use the survival viewer in your backpack

(Suddenly oddly enough Gai's bodysuit changes from basic green to a more leafy design as his face magically has green stripes on it. Neji looks somewhat surprised at this but tries to ignore them. And as Rock follows suit on the camouflage.)

Rock: Got it, use the survival viewer "Backpack".

Guy: Exactly, however that infernal beast is a natural in all the beauty of nature. Its over a hundred years old and gets its power from the sun.

Rock: Should we throw those shiny green rocks we found at it?

Guy: Naw I already tried, I even tried those shiny red ones as well they only seem to annoy it.

Rock: Wow that toad is really powerful.

Guy: Indeed, it can launch a nuclear strike from anywhere in the world. It appears we only have only choice that can get us to save humanity once and for all.

(Suddenly a couple of cardboard boxes appear completely out of nowhere covering Gai and Rock Lee and as they are closing in on Neji's location.)

Rock: Wow sensei you are so right I feel so much at peace here. I haven't feel this alive since we had that Kenyan Mangrove Crab dinner last night.

Gai: Indeed it is so wonderfully invigorating!

Rock: I know, I wish I can take my pants off...

Guy: Me too Lee, me too...

(They have another one of their "Manly Tear" moments as they are still in their respective boxes while Neji wishes that a bag would appear on his head.)

Guy: But the time for pouts has passed! We must stand and fight this vile menace so we can all sleep better at night.

Rock: Aye aye sir!

Guy: Cut out the navy talk we're in the army!

(Moments later as they get closer and closer to their target. Then suddenly Gai's box disappears while he shouts)

Guy: OH NO! WE HAVE BEEN SPOTTED!

(This terrifies Rock while Neji was actually kinda startled at first.)

Rock: ARE WE UNDER ATTACK?!

Guy: YES! IT IS THE GIANT PURPLE SPIDER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

(Actually its just Guy and Rock running around and screaming like idiots, Neji just simply wants to walk away now.)

Guy: WAIT! WHY ARE WE RUNNING?! ARE WE COWARDS THAT WILL FLEE AT ANY SIGN OF DANGER?! WILL WE BECOME YELLOW OF OUR OWN FEAR! FOR THAT I SAY NAAAAAAY!

Rock: HUZZAH!

Guy: ALRIGHT YOU AMETHYST ARACHNID! WE SHALL NOT BACK DOWN FROM YOUR MENACING CHALLENGE! HAVE AT YOU!

(Then they try to "fight" that aforementioned arachnid with good ol' fashioned taijutsu, despite their opponent being imaginary they fought bravely against their evil foe. However Guy seems to have been stopped mid attack, and as Rock.)

Rock: Yes! Victory! We have stopped that wretched monster, we have won the battle Sensei! (Notices that Guy is not right nearby) Sensei? Where are you? (He discovers Guy lying down seemingly unconscious.) Whats happening? Guy Sensei? Guy Sensei? GUY SANSEEEEEEEEEEI!

EPILOGUE

(Later on that day the gennin have tried to inform others about what is going on with their respective sensei. Asuma and Kurenai were discovered nearby as Asuma tried to place his mouth on one of Kurenai's breasts. Kurenai oddly enough doesn't seem to mind as she is trying to lay some eggs. Anko discovered Kakashi not too far off, Kakashi was surprisingly terrified to see her. He kept on pleading that he would never impregnate any titans and for some reason kept calling her "Hera". And as for Guy and Rock Lee? Well lets just say they'll probably still want to have their vengeance upon that evil toad. The Medics took a look at the 4 Jounin and fortunately it seems like the symptoms are nothing too serious and they'll wake up just fine tomorrow morning. Granted with a hangover thats probably about the size of the leaf country but still. Just goes to show you boys and girls you truly can't trust strangers in this day of age, even mushrooms. They may look cute and innocent but you can be surprised on how bad it can be to let them be your friends, eh I meant food... yeah, food... Anyways, will this be an important lesson to them all, or something really strange that most of them would rather forget. Time will tell my friends, time will tell...)

THE END


End file.
